A box of one's own

Today I didn't leave the bedroom.  Even after Cam left, I stayed in here.  I kept the door shut.

I just want the world to be as small as possible.

Actually, the world can be as big as it wants.  I just want to be in this little room, far far away from it.

Cam's room is small, but it has everything you need.  The bed, and a desk and the computer and a lot of books and music.  

It reminds me of the houses I used to make when I was lucky enough to get a really big cardboard box.  I'd bring a blanket and a flashlight and my favorite book and a box of crackers.  There's a way of folding box lids so that you're closed right in and the flaps won't open.  It's hard to do by yourself from the inside, but then there you are, in your own home.  Nobody can tell anything from the outside. It's like you're not even there.

I don't have any food in here, but I'm not hungry.  Cam brought me something to eat when he got home this afternoon.  He's mad at me for not coming out of here. He says he isn't, but I don't know what else you'd call it.  Upset.

I hate it when he's unhappy.  I wish we could just be quiet together and not have so much to worry about.

When he leaves, everything goes blank.  Not bad, but empty.  It's all right.  I sit in here and read stories or make up my own.  Watch time passing.

I'm not hurting anything or anybody.  If this is my version of happiness, I don't know why he can't just leave me to it and be glad I have one.