I woke up to music.

Cam was at a careful distance from me, and the latest Muse album was pouring out of the computer.

"Are you awake, honey?" he asked quietly.

I turned to look at him, then noticed I was holding something.  A CD.  I was standing in front of his CD player, which has about a trillion slots and which I've never been able to figure out how to make play exactly the disc I want to hear.  

I thought we went to bed, I said stupidly.

"Okay, here's my idiot question of the day," he said.  "You were asleep, right? Just a minute ago?"

Well, yeah.

"It's just that your eyes were open," he said.  

Oh.

"I could tell you weren't exactly there, though," he said.

Not even a little.

The music was holding me up, and when the song ended I couldn't stay standing up.

"Hey," Cam said, rushing over.

The floor was soft enough.  I'm okay.

"The hell you are."  He helped me up and over to a chair.

I'm fine, I insisted, and realized I was crying.  It all just felt so distant.  Like a bad accident -- you're interested, but afraid to get too close, in case you see something you really didn't want to.

I don't have to stay here, I said.  Not if it's too much.  But Cam, even if I'm crazy, please don't make me go back there.  I know it's supposed to be a place that helps people, but it isn't, it really isn't.

"Are you through?" he said.  "You're not going anywhere, so cut it out."

But I'm doing things I don't even remember.  I looked at the box I'd been holding. I don't even like this album.

He laughed a bit. "You were sleepwalking," he said.  "That's perfectly normal.  They have a word for it and everything."

But my eyes were open.

"Look, I don't know anything about it," he said.  "Maybe that's what people do.  Maybe that's how they keep from falling over."

I sat for a minute, just soaking in the comfort of being near him.

Why did you turn on the music?  I asked at last.

"Well, it looked like you wanted to listen to something.  And I thought it might wake you up better than I could."

You woke me up that time.

"Yeah, and I got punched in the eye for it."

I hit you?

"Only on the inside.  It's okay.  I was more surprised than anything."

I sat quiet again, but this time it was defeat.

I am crazy, Cam. They were right.  I'm insane.

"Stop that right now," Cam said.  "I'm not hearing that.  You are not crazy.  You're having a perfectly sane reaction to a horrible experience.  It'd be pretty damned weird if you were just skipping around picking daisies after what they did to you."