I couldn't eat all day, and maybe that was why it didn't go too well at first.  I was shaky, I could barely get dressed.  He got me some jeans, and a pretty purple shirt. Swears he didn't even pay ten dollars altogether for both, and how much would he have to pay for the kind of live-in maid service he's getting now?  Coffee and a clean bathroom every morning?

He took my hand and kind of pulled me along when it was time to go.  I've watched him go out that door every day, but I haven't been through it myself since he brought me home.

"Hey," he said.  "What's wrong?"

I was holding the doorknob, and I couldn't let go.

"Honey, we're coming back," he said.  "I promise.  We're going to go out, listen to some music, watch people dance stupid, have a drink, come home, and sleep in.  Crash until noon if we feel like it.  I have the whole day off tomorrow.  We can watch a monster movie, maybe some Buffy reruns."

I knew that.  I knew all that.  It was ridiculous to think he was going to dump me somewhere like a stray puppy.  If he didn't want me staying with him any more, he wouldn't have to work that hard to get rid of me.

It didn't make any sense for it to be so hard.  For me to be afraid to be outside, and seen.  No one was going to recognize me, and as Cam pointed out, I'd been going to clubs every night when we met.  

But that was to have somewhere safe to hide.  This was supposed to be for fun.  And I had so much more to lose now.  Cam.  Home.  

He's the one person I can't hide from, so I tamped it all down before you could really call it panic and went along.  

It was cold out. It had been so long since I'd been outside, I was startled by the air moving against my skin.  

Just to make up for lost time, I'd be happy to stay inside forever.  As long as it's this kind of inside.  The good kind.

It was crowded when we got there, but not too much so.  The music wasn't bad, wasn't great.  Nothing for me to hang onto.  Cam didn't say anything about that, just got us something to drink.  Didn't ask me to dance.  I don't know how to, maybe he knew.  There's something missing where dancing should be in me.  I love to watch other people doing it, though.  Not to learn -- I'll never be able to do that.  I especially love the ones who look completely absurd.  I love how they're willing to just move, never mind how it looks.  

For all I know, they look great by anything like normal standards.  I'm no judge.

We sat quietly, just taking it all in.  The music got a little better, a bit of an edge.  Someone Cam knew came over to where we were.

"Hey," he said.  

"Hey," Cam said, and looked at me.  "This is Dog," he said.

I nodded.  It was funny, because he looked like a dog. Not a mean dog, or a cute puppy. Just the way he held himself, the way he looked around.  He looked completely relaxed, but it was just because he was holding on to it, the way a dog on a loose leash looks when he's just walking along, indifferent until he smells something or hears another dog and goes from zero to crazy and the leash snaps taut.  He didn't have any hair, and that made him look more animal.  He was big, but not scary so.

"Dog," Cam said, "meet Echo."

I smiled.  I didn't know he was going to name me. That was nice.

I felt safer after that.  I was still lying low, but it was as if it didn't matter as much if anyone saw me.  I had someone else to be.  

Dog stayed with us most of the time.  I liked him, and I could tell he liked me.  He and Cam talked some, mostly about music.  Cam works at the radio station at the college.  Dog plays music.  He looks like he'd be good at it.  Serious about it.

He didn't talk to me much.  He seemed to know that wasn't something I could do.  Once when Cam had left for a minute, he sat listening for a minute and then looked at me.  "You guys aren't dating, right?"

I shook my head.

"But you're staying with him."

I nodded, wondering how he knew.  I didn't think Cam would have told him.  He said he wasn't going to tell anyone.  

"We'll be playing here next week," he said.  "You guys should come see us."

I nodded again. I wanted to say that I'd like that, but I didn't quite have the nerve.  I wasn't sure if he'd notice about my talking.  He seemed the kind of person who noticed things. Didn't mind or make a big deal, but noticed.  

He seemed to get that my not talking wasn't about him, and didn't say anything else until Cam came back.  They'd just been playing music up to that point, but there was going to be a band.  A pretty good one, Dog said.  Worth staying for.

We stayed.  I like it when the music is live, even if it isn't the greatest.  It's just different when it's right in front of you like that.  Really coming from somewhere.  Even when people aren't dancing or really listening to it, their energy kind of leans toward it, like a compass needle curving north.  

I let myself lean in, too.  Cam was right. No one was going to notice if I let go a little.  The music would just have a bit of extra spark to it.  

Once I looked up and saw Dog looking at me, looking kind of puzzled.  Not upset; just trying to figure something out.  Cam caught his eye and just smiled and shook his head at him.  

It was a pretty nice night.  Cam did a little I-told-you-soing about that when we left, but it wasn't unbearable.  

It was nice to get home, though.  Once we got there and I just wrapped the place around me like a blanket, I wondered how I'd ever been able to leave.  

"We should go see Dog when they play," Cam said before we fell asleep.  "His band is really good."